There is no connection between how good you are as a tennis player and how good you are as a person. If this were true at one point in his career John McEnroe would have been the best person in the world!!!.....No...I don't think so! Not for McEnroe, not for anyone! Stop connecting how well you perform on the tennis court with who and what you are as a person.....they do not belong together.

If you do not think you are guilty of this, answer three questions.

1. When playing poorly do you ever feel sorry for yourself or maybe a little self-pity seeps in.

2. How many times in the last year have you wanted to quit tennis because you were playing poorly?

3. How come you cannot practice new techniques in your fun matches even if you lose? One of the secrets to accepting your failures and moving on is to not take them too personal.

The next time you fail, forget it and move on. The next shot is more important than the last mistake. Keep who and what you are as a person out of the equation and I guarantee you'll be more relaxed! Eventually you'll learn to be relaxed, but intense. A combination that's essential for top notch tennis. If you take everything too personal you may have the intensity, but without the relaxed part, there will be one word to describe you....it's called anxiety!!! Intense, but relaxed is the correct mindset for competitive play and pays huge dividends under pressure!

The trick is for you to first CHOOSE to install one. Then when adversity hits, you can practice not pushing all the other buttons first, but instead push the ‘start from where you are' button. You maybe thinking, "how do I do that?" Haven't you heard? Adversity is inevitable, negative thinking is optional. You CHOOSE to allow these incorrect emotional responses to control you. In a match you may be feeling frustrated, angry, or annoyed, but that does not mean you can't choose the ‘start from where you are' button. Doing this will eliminate the incorrect emotional reactions, and keep you looking forward. When you look forward and not backward new options will open up that you did not even expect. Options like:

1. Feeling in control of yourself and not fearing failures.
2. Feeling a mental strength you previously did not possess.
3. Feeling an increased confidence from that strength.

You accept the fact that you're in control. You're the one that makes the decision to push the ‘start from where you are' button or not. Then ‘adversity is inevitable, negative thinking is optional' becomes a way of thinking.

Whether you're an aspiring junior, club player, or a pro, if your ‘start from where you are' button is busted or not installed, you better have a talk with yourself and fix it fast.
Why? Because this is the stuff that champions are made of.

The other day I had a talk with a player who wanted to purchase my books and tapes. I asked him why? He said he also played golf and was a 12 handicap. The other day he played with some top notch players that were out of his league. He noticed how they handled adversity in comparison to what he would have done. For instance, when they hit the ball in the water, without any anger they just got another ball and proceeded forward. He said he would have wrapped the clubs around a tree. An experience I understand many people who play golf have had. :) He thought to himself maybe there's something to this mental stuff. A couple of days later he came across my site and it peaked his curiosity.

In conclusion, speaking of golf, I'll always remember the great golf legend Bobby Jones when he was asked how he coped with never playing golf again because of debilitating health problems. His reply gave me goose bumps. He said, "I play the ball from where it lies." A golf term for ‘start from where you are.' He was a great champion on and off the course.

When adversity hits on the tennis court which button do you push? The panic button? Do you even have a ‘start from where you are' button to push? If not, I know someone who has written a book that can help. Me! :) www.tenniswarrior.com/Special.htm

I have seen this misconception in business, sports, and life many, many times. The person following the success advice relies heavily on doing steps 1,2, and 3, as the book clearly states. But it does not work! They think to themselves, "I don't get it, I followed exactly what it said. I guess I must not be following it correctly." The answer to this problem is actually simple. They forgot the decisions (good and bad), dedication, effort, and unique circumstances. In other words - individuality!

Yes, you should heed the advice of those who are successful. But, they are not YOU. You are your own unique success story and should develop your own style with your own step 1,2, 3 through your own decisions, dedication, effort, and unique circumstances. Success is more about individuality and just doing it, than it is about following steps 1,2, and 3. Nike had it right. JUST DO IT!!!

The point is do not let anyone stuff you in to a tennis mold. Just like a pro, you are unique, and should develop your own style of play. Of course you must follow some basic fundamental principles like swinging low to high to hit topspin and high to low to hit backspin. but, much of learning tennis is individual. If you do not think this is true, watch the pros. I know some of you think that pros learned to play tennis by painstakingly day by day practicing the intricate technical skills until they finally reached perfection. This simply is not true. According to conventional wisdom the pros are doing everything wrong and would not fair well in a traditional tennis lesson!!! As I have said before in one of my "tennis myths." I'M NOT GOING TO TELL THEM, YOU TELL THEM. They seem to be doing all right for themselves, so I think it's best to leave them alone. In fact, maybe we should learn something from them.

The pros all have their own style. Some have big looping back swings, some have compact back swings, some have a straighter back swing, some hit heavy topspin, others hit more flat. Just like the pros you should learn strokes and play within your own style. Then, discipline yourself to practice and mold that style. A good coach can help guide you without stuffing you in a mold. Do not over think the technical end of the game. Much of what you will learn will come in time with practice and repetition. And it will happen naturally.

Now, do not get me wrong. I am not telling you to abandon the technical skills. I am telling you to instead rely more heavily on your day to day decisions to practice, stay dedicated, exert the necessary effort, and your own unique circumstances, than on steps 1,2, and 3. Steps 1, 2, and 3 should be used as a guide...that's all!

Remember, they tried to change Bjion Borg and make him follow the 1,2, 3 tradition by eliminating his big looping topspin game. But, he refused and changed tennis forever. Chris Evert's two-handed backhand was a no, no at the time. She did it anyway and changed tennis forever. They both developed their own unique style of play and completely baffled the experts of the day.

There are many books, tapes, newsletters, and other material that can teach you an assortment of different things. Use them as guides, not the end all and be all. No one, including myself, can explain in a 1,2 ,3 fashion the exact formula that will bring YOU tennis success. YOU are unique. YOU have to do it. YOU have to experience it. Rely more on yourself and the power of action to get the job done. And you will!

THE FIRST MENTAL STEP IS RECOGNIZING THE PROBLEM. Whether it is a mistake, self-doubt, or the accumulative effect of a tough match, you must be aware of the problem. Too many people think to recognize a negative, mistake, or failure is negative thinking. It's not! Negative thinking is when you let the negatives, mistakes, and failures affect your overall mental attitude. Just to acknowledge negatives in itself is not negative thinking, but yes it could lead to negative thinking. The principle is that mentally tough people can think in terms of negatives without getting discouraged.

THE SECOND MENTAL STEP IS RECOGNIZING THE SOLUTION! Whether the negative, mistake, or failure affects your overall mental attitude depends on YOU. You must learn to accumulate different mental solutions to apply to different situations. For instance, with mistakes you could use the Refocus Technique, "THE NEXT SHOT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE LAST MISTAKE." With self-doubt you should understand that mental toughness doesn't mean you will never have self-doubt, everyone does! It is part of competition. With a chain of bad mistakes you should orient quickly to the fact that you are no different than a pro, who also has to cope with a series of bad mistakes. Forget it and move on! You must take responsibility to not let these situations bother you and to practice the second step of the MENTAL TWO-STEP.

Do you have a propensity toward becoming discouraged, getting down on yourself, or maybe even feeling sorry for yourself? If so, get out there and practice thinking correctly when these situations occur. Yes, you must practice THINKING just like you would practice a backhand or a forehand over and over and over again until one day recovering from your negatives, mistakes, and failures becomes more automatic,

In summary, remember the first step, RECOGNIZING THE PROBLEM IN ITself IS NOT NEGATIVE THINKING. Do not think you are a negative person because you are thinking about your negatives, mistakes, and failures. It is whether you let these problems have a negative affect on your overall mental attitude. The second step of the MENTAL TWO-STEP, RECOGNIZING THE SOLUTION AND STAYING POSITIVE, depends entirely on YOU!!! And I like that, because if YOU cannot handle negatives, mistakes, and failures correctly YOU have no one else to blame but YOURself. Welcome to the real world of mental toughness!

Here is a plan to help you practice recovering from your failures when you are playing. Let's call it a New Year's Resolution that you should master. The next time you make a mistake do not attempt to make any correction or analyze what you have done wrong. Just forget your mistake and move on to the next point. If you begin thinking, "if I had done this or that I would have made that shot," ignore it and move on to the next point. Do you think you can do that? What did you say? How are you going to make corrections and improve if you do not analyze your failures? Good question!

Let me refer back to the phrase I stated in the beginning of this lesson. Recovering from the mistake is more important than the mistake itself. Since recovering from the mistake is more important than the mistake itself you should spend a lot of time practicing recovering without analyzing. Many times players analyze to come up with a reason why they failed, which makes them feel better about their failure. This makes it easier for them to now move on. How about trying to move on from your failures without a reason why you failed. Just accept it as part of the game and move on to the next point.

After you have mastered the art of forgetting your mistakes and moving on, then you can analyze. At this point you will begin to analyze without over thinking every failure. I believe they call it paralysis by analysis! Most players over think their failures instead of accepting them as part of the journey toward success. Now, please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying you should never analyze. What I am saying is most players analyze too much and recover much too slowly. They want reasons for every failure. How about this reason - you just missed!!! This is my challenge to you for the new year. For one month, do not, and I repeat, do not analyze any of your mistakes - just move on to the next point. Play like most pros play. Most pros quickly move on from their failures and are ready for the next point. They realize this is crucial for their long term success. I challenge you for one month to do what most pros do automatically and you too will think like a pro!

Keep practicing this concept and you will begin to see many new mental options open up that you did not even know existed. You will have a glimpse into a mental arena where few dare to journey. The question is, are YOU ready for the trip? I think you are, but remember not much baggage is allowed!

Here are three situations where players gave up to soon. Listen to their reasons and try not to repeat the same mistakes yourself.

The first situation is a doubles match where the team that was losing (let's name them Sue and Nancy) decided to attack the net at every chance they got. The first two times they advanced to the net their opponents lobbed over their heads. Nancy and Sue huddled together for a pow wow and concluded, "That's enough of that strategy." They switched back to the original plan, lost and went home. They explained that they did not continue attacking because they felt they were getting lobbed to death. This is definitely a case of giving up a good solution too soon.

I have never understood this "getting lobbed to death" excuse. I know it can happen, but when I watch players in a match, I see missed volleys, missed putaways at the net, poor approach shots, incorrect net positioning, and faulty overheads. And yet, some players insist, "it's those darn lobs over my head, that's why I lost."

They should try to improve their game in these other areas, so that an occasional lob over their head will not offset the benefits of a smart tactic. Most lobs are a sign of defensive play anyway. The next time you try this net attacking strategy, do not give up the net when only two lobs go over your head. Give the tactic time and begin working on your timing and rhythm for your other forecourt skills. These skills, not the lobs over your head, will typically determine whether you win or lose at the net in doubles. It's also vital to recognize that the overhead is the most lethal shot in tennis. So, practice moving back sideways to reach lobs early enough so you can really whack your overheads.

The second situation is a singles match where one of the players was hitting deep approach shots and coming to the net. Again, the first two approach shots he attempted flew a couple of feet long. His ill-considered reaction: I'm not going to do that anymore. So he stays back and abandons a smart net-rushing tactic.

Now, I know this situation is difficult because you have two opposing influences at work here. The emotional vs. the mental. The emotional influence says: I'm not making this shot and I do not like that. Therefore I will stop. The mental influence says: I am establishing my timing and rhythm, so whether I miss or not is not the main point. Once I establish my rhythm, I will begin making the shot. Befuddled players make the wrong choice.

The third situation is also a singles match where a player (Bob) decides to attack his opponent's (John) weak backhand. Bob attacks it successfully three times, but each time John responds with outstanding backhands. Bob abandons the tactic and settles down into his usual game plan that has repeatedly lost to John. The reason: John hit three great backhands.

Most players abandon the correct principles too soon and change to another tactic without ever giving the one they started using a chance. Mentally tough competitors do not change quickly. Instead, they keep the pressure on. They wait for the tactic to work. You should learn to do the same.

Here are two principles you should know about sticking with a smart solution. First, even if it doesn't work immediately, if you stay with it, you will continue to make your opponent concentrate to beat you. Somewhere along the line your opponent's concentration may slip, giving you the opportunity to gain the momentum and win the match. Your mentally tough tennis warrior understands this and keeps the pressure on relentlessly.

Second, all players go through up-and-down cycles. They play well one moment and badly the next. Often players change their tactic when their opponent is in an up-cycle and playing well. If they would have just waited patiently, the cycle would have changed, offering them an excellent opportunity to capitalize on their strategy.

The other day I was talking with one of my readers. He reminded me of a previous article I wrote about a stonecutter. I think it applies well here. The stonecutter keeps hitting on the rock -- 100, 200, 300 times until finally one of the blows cracks the rock open. When the stonecutter had reached 50 blows, if he had concluded, "Nope, I can't do it, nothing is happening" and quit, the success of cracking the rock would never have happened. It's important to note that it was not the last blow that cracked the rock, but the cumulative effect of this consistent strategy that assured his success. Similarly, the relentless pressure of a sound tactic often takes a mental and/or physical toll on your opponent. And, like a boxer taking too many punches, he weakens and eventually gets knocked down or out.

In conclusion, do not fall prey to instant gratification so common in today's society. Avoid the quick-fix solution. Be patient. Short-term sacrifice for long-term gain may not be easy at first, but it is the signature of a true Tennis Warrior.

The name of the article is STUDY MAY OFFER CLUES ABOUT CHOKING UNDER PRESSURE, by David Kohn of the Baltimore Sun.

ARTICLE - "It's very easy to convince yourself that you're going to miss a putt," Reeves, 44, a former club pro who is now marketing director of River Downs Golf Club in Finksburg, MD. "It's like walking in quicksand. The more you struggle, the deeper you go."

Almost everyone, from Olympic athletes to public speakers, goes through the humbling experience Reeves describes: crumbling under pressure - or, as it's more brutally known, choking.

TOM - And you thought it only happens to you!

ARTICLE - Problems with pressure may stem from focusing too much. Some scientists now suspect that success requires concentrating less, not more.

"Pressure prompts you to pay attention to what you're doing," says Michigan State University psychologist Sian Beilock. "For people who are highly skilled, this is a bad idea."

TOM - This is the Relax Technique! For those of you who have not read my booklet, the Relax Technique teaches you to shift from an overthinking and racing mind to the automatic and instinctive mindset. Or from the conscious to the subconscious. This is a key element in playing any sport. In essence, you are concentrating less and letting the automatic take control. At the end of this lesson I will show you how to receive this booklet, The Relax Technique, at no cost.

ARTICLE - Walking, she says, is a good example: "If you're going down the street and I ask you to pay attention to how you're bending your knee, then you'll probably slow down, or you might stumble."

TOM - Knees bent, racket back, weight forward, stay still, stay balanced, eyes on the ball, firm wrist, elbow in, etc., etc., etc. Now, get out there and play tennis instinctively! Somewhere you must learn to let go and just play!

ARTICLE - In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, Beilock tested this hypothesis by telling a group of golfers that if they didn't make enough putts, their partners would lose prize money they had earned.

Faced with this scenario, most golfers did much worse than they had without the added pressure.

"Peer pressure is always a good stressor," Beilock says with a laugh. But one group did better - those who had undergone a previous training session where they were videotaped. Beilock's theory:

The training taught them not to pay extra attention when the stakes increased.

TOM - Under pressure you perform almost like you do not care, in the sense that you must let go and NOT fear failure. You play spontaneously, instinctively, intuitively!

ARTICLE - Because the sport is so filled with opportunities to choke, researchers gravitate to golf as a lens into high-stakes behavior.

In one study, Mayo Clinic researcher Debbie Crews used 41 electrodes per golfer to measure brain waves, muscle tension and heart rate. To raise the stakes, each golfer received a finger prick from a needle every time they missed a putt.

TOM - Not a bad idea. I may have to try that finger prick technique on my students. Only kidding! I'll stick with the electric shock idea! :)

ARTICLE - She found that the best putters had a distinctive brain wave pattern. In the seconds leading up to the putt, the left side of their brains - which controls logical and analytical processing - was active.

Then, just before the subject putted, the left side quieted and the right side - which controls spatial orientation, timing and balance - became more active.

"It's this beautiful balance between the two hemispheres," she says.

Chokers exhibited a different pattern - their left lobes never shut down, possibly obstructing the work of the right brain.

TOM - Again, the racing mind that never shuts off is a disaster in sports. You must learn to switch from the left to the right brain or from the conscious to the subconscious in your match play. Instead of having electrodes hooked up to your brain or having your fingers pricked I suggest you use the Relax Technique. :) I have taught thousands of players this technique...it works! You can receive The Relax Technique booklet FREE when you order my book . Here is a link to that Special. http://www.tenniswarrior.com/Special.htm